Why 20 years of firefighting may be enough for me

I had a dream: work until I was 60 and they threw me out, and then move somewhere else where they have a volunteer department and I could put my experience to good use.
--- By Michael Morse

Twenty years ago I thought I would do this job forever. I had a dream: work until I was 60 and they threw me out, and then move somewhere else where they have a volunteer department and I could put my experience to good use.

The department offered a 50 percent pension after 20 years, we contribute 9.5 percent of our pay toward the fund, and the city contributes the rest. “That‘s nice,” I thought, never considering that I would actually leave after 20.

Time marches on, and 20 years passed in the blink of an eye. The person I was when I started is long gone; a different, more somber, at times cynical person has taken his place.

People who walked in my shoes fought for the 20-year pension deal, knowing from experience that 20 years in firefighter time is a long, long time. They knew, as only one who lived the life will ever know, that for some, 20 years is enough. They knew that at 45 or 50, starting a new career is not that easy, or starting a business when everybody else had a 20-year head start is challenging, to say the least.

I remember sitting in at a critical incident debriefing a few hours after I held two dead infants in my arms. My latex gloves melted into their skin their bodies were so hot as I tried unsuccessfully to revive them with my new CPR skills. I bagged the 1-year-old — Savannah was her name I found out later — while doing compressions on the other, John. It was rough, but it was what I had signed on for.

The guy who brought the babies from the fire to me was a 20-year veteran firefighter, a tough guy by all accounts. When it was his turn to speak he filled with tears, and couldn‘t. He hung his head and valiantly tried to express his feelings, but couldn‘t. He left the room.

A few months later he was gone. Retired. He told me much later that it wasn‘t necessarily that call that did it; it was all the calls leading up to and including that one that finished him. He simply could not do it again.

I should have learned a lesson that day, but mired in the arrogance of youth I hadn‘t lived enough to sense my own frailty. I was invincible. I thought of him the other day, as I drove home from what I thought was an unremarkable tour.

As I neared my street, I thought of the little girl who claimed to have injured her knee and refused to move from the gymnasium floor. Her mother looked on from a distance, annoyed as I tried to figure out what was wrong. No bleeding or deformity, swelling or anything really. She showed me her other knee as a comparison, and I noticed bruises, weeks old on both legs, and both arms, and a haunted look on her face.

I let it go. We can‘t save everybody, and she probably is just an active kid who bruises easily. Or not.

I turned onto my street, and had to stop the car. Where was the little girl now? Was she home, in her room, reading or watching TV, or was she being punished for being a crybaby, like the kid a few weeks ago whose mother called us because her son “fell” from his bed — fell and had severe head trauma and curling iron burns on his legs.

It took 10 minutes for me to pull myself together before I could walk in my door and not bring 20 years worth of memories with me.

I haven‘t been sleeping well. It‘s been going on for months now. Every night that I‘m home I‘ll go into a fitful slumber around midnight, only to be fully awake at around 2 a.m. I toss and turn for hours, finally getting some relief from my spinning mind at sunrise, only to be back up an hour later. I grab an hour here and there as time permits but have no idea what a full night‘s sleep feels like, unless it is drug-induced, but I try to avoid that.

What runs through my mind is probably similar to every other person my age — are the kids really OK, will the bills get paid, am I truly happy or is this just an illusion, is that spot on my back the cancer that will kill me or just a mole. Then I get the ghosts.

• The baby run over by the 18-wheeler as it turned the corner on North Main and Doyle, dead in the middle of the street, the baby carriage twisted and crushed 100 feet from the body.
• The guy buried alive at sunset on Dorothy, and his lifeless arm that was the first thing we dug up.
• The 20-year-old guy and his 20-year-old friend dead in the front seat of their Mustang at the Atwells Avenue off-ramp.
• The 55-year-old guy who was new at motorcycle riding who tapped a rear view mirror, lost control on 195, flipped over the Jersey barrier and was crushed by a Toyota Camry full of kids. We found his foot later, still in his boot
• The 18-year-old tattoo artist found hanging in his basement by his roommate.
• My friend‘s brother found hanging in his bedroom closet.
• A RISD student found hanging from the wrought iron fence at Prospect Park.
• The kid found hanging off the side of his house on New Year‘s Eve.
• The 55-year-old who told his wife he was going golfing, started his car, didn‘t open the garage door and died next to his clubs.
• The 40-year-old who held up traffic while he considered jumping from the overpass, then did as the crowd that had formed cheered.
• The college kid who fell 80 feet to his death the week before Christmas.
• The baby who rolled himself into his blanket and suffocated, while his dad was napping on the couch.
• My friend Kenny who had a heart attack at his third building fire of the day, and had to be defibrillated, and came back to life but not the job.
• The 17-year-old girl who bled to death in the front seat of a car that had struck a tree while eluding police as her friends picked her pockets of the crack vials they were selling.
• The baby born dead and put into a hefty bag.
• The woman dead in her kitchen with a bullet hole in her forehead and her three children sitting on a couch in the next room.
• The two babies that broke the veteran firefighter.
• The eight-year-old deaf girl who broke my heart when I learned she had been prostituting for her foster parents.
• The 20-year-old dancer dead in her car after taking all of her pills, and the vomit-covered note on her lap.
• The family dead behind the front door as the fire burned out of control behind them.
• Delivering a baby in the back of the rescue and having the mother yell get that thing away from me when I handed it to her.

There are dozens, hundreds more, all waiting for that delicate twilight between sleep and consciousness to come uninvited into my mind. More join the parade every day that I come to work. Just the other week a 23-year-old hit and killed while walking home from a nightclub, a 30-year-old guy shot in the head, back and legs who walked to the rescue and then collapsed.

I am not a machine. I am a simple person who signed on to do a job, and have done it well. If I choose to leave this year, I will do so with my head held high and hope that the pension that didn‘t matter to me 20 years ago, but has become my lifeline, is still there.

Smartest Dog Breeds: Top 10 List

There is a reason why dogs are man’s best friend. They’re loyal, lovable, and, above everything else, intelligent and intuitive.

But are some dogs smarter than others? Numerous studies have tested the canine ability for quickly learning new commands and being able to complete simple tasks to determine what is the smartest dog breed. And while there are different requirements for dogs used for hunting, herding, or protection, let’s look at the 10 smartest dog breeds known for their ability to be trained easily and be a dependable companion.

How smart are dogs compared to humans? According to the findings of canine IQ tests that examine a dog’s language development, arithmetic and social skills, emotional intelligence, and other abilities, smart dog breeds exhibit dog intelligence similar to 2-year-old children in language, and 3- or 4-year-olds in basic arithmetic. They show basic emotions similar to human toddlers like happiness, anger, and disgust, but are unable to experience more complex ones like guilt.

Based on data from hundreds of obedience judges and training schools on which are the easiest dogs to train, here are the 10 smartest dog breeds in order of size.

Smartest Dog Breeds

1. German Shepherd

There is a reason why this beloved canine is considered the smartest breed of dogs. It is the world’s leading police, guard, and military companion while also being an excellent family dog and herder. The German shepherd has a calm demeanor; it is smart, confident, courageous, and reliable; it loves children and is relatively low-maintenance.

2. Doberman Pinscher

With an appearance of a dog of medium size and a fiercely loyal behavior, the Doberman pinscher is known for its stamina and speed. It is highly intelligent and trainable, but needs a strong personality to handle it, so it’s not ideal for families with children. Originally bred to protect tax collectors on their route, it is revered as one of the smartest dog breeds kept as a guardian and in demand by the police and military.

3. Rottweiler

The ancient Romans were well aware of the many qualities of the rottweiler as one of the most intelligent dog breeds. The strong, brave canines make excellent cattle herders, cart pullers, and guardians. They are known as “gentle giants,” which makes them suitable for family companions. This smart dog breed responds well to training and socialization.

4. Golden Retriever

Intelligent, friendly, devoted — it is easy to see why this is one of the more popular smart dog breeds. The powerful and active canines make wonderful companions as they have kind expressions and a personality that is eager, alert, and self-confident.

5. Labrador Retriever

Labs have a reputation for being friendly and outgoing. Their natural intelligence makes them perfect companion dogs for blind and special needs people, as they can be taught to carry out simple everyday tasks. Their good temperament and athletic build make them suitable for hunting as well.

6. Border Collie

The list of smartest dog breeds would be incomplete without a mention of this handsome dog. Originally known as a “Scotch sheep dog,” the border collie was bred to think independently and at long distances from human shepherds. They have strong problem-solving skills, intelligence, and working drive, making them perfect for families with children.

7. Shetland Sheepdog

As a miniature version of the border collie, the “Sheltie” is a beloved breed of intelligent dogs. It is a working dog, which means it is intelligent and keen to learn. Bright, playful, and energetic, it has an alert personality and is among the easiest dogs to train.

8. Poodle

Poodles may be high-maintenance when it comes to their coat , but they’re exceptionally smart and active. Originally bred as bird-hunting companions to retrieve things from the water, they have several breed varieties: standard, miniature, and toy. As one of the most intelligent dog breeds, the poodle is known for its loving nature, trainable intelligence, and dignified demeanor.

9. Australian Cattle Dog

This unique crossbreed of blue merle shepherds imported from England and the native Australian dingo is in the top of the 20 smartest dog breeds. Energetic and hardworking, the Australian cattle dog thrives is an active home and loves activities like agility training, rally obedience, herding trials, and flyball.

10. Papillon

This adorable little toy dog has grown in popularity in recent years as it’s easy to look after in an apartment. Its lovable personality along with the fact that it’s one of the easiest small breed dogs to train makes it ideal for families and working professionals who live in the city. It is active, friendly, and alert.

Many of the dogs on this list of top 10 smartest dog breeds are very popular pets. Their natural dog intelligence makes them more responsive to human beings and human signals. Similarly to people, dogs are social creatures and have the same need for validation and companionship, so they understand human needs better. At the same time, having a highly-intelligent canine comes with great responsibility and more work as smart dogs are like smart kids – they quickly figure out what they can and can’t get away with, and if bored – will get themselves in trouble just for entertainment. This is why regularly exercising and socializing them with other canines is a must!